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Homer Simpson’s Guide To A National Park Resort

May 8, 2019 | Our Blog, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Homer Simpson’s Guide To A National Park Resort

In researching Homer Simpson to write this article, I must say it was quite unsettling.  To my embarrassment, I discovered that Homer and I share most of the same personality traits!  Extraverted, somewhat unstable, excitable, trusting of strangers, affectionate, many jobs, occasional temper tantrums, etc.  I tried to laugh it off to make me feel better, and I thought that I should watch more of The Simpsons to see myself in action.  So, when it comes to creating Homer Simpson’s Guide to national park resort, I’ll simply be me, and logically the guide will be scarily close to what Homer Simpson would make.

How To Treat Strangers At A National Park Resort

Entering the hotel, you set your suitcase down in the lobby and ask a stranger to watch it while you take a stroll around the hotel’s perimeter to locate Bart.  You find him stomping on ants and counting each kill. You grab him by the neck and return to the lobby to discover that your suitcase and the kind stranger had disappeared.  You blame Bart and strangle him some more.

Next, you chat up the desk clerk, who is an attractive woman, telling her about your important job at the nuclear power plant and how dangerous it is.  She is bored with you, but you offer her the rest of your coffee anyway. You spill the coffee onto the computer keyboard, say “Dough!” and the woman grits her angry teeth at you.  You plead for her not to tell anyone, and she says, “Oh, I won’t.” You thank her and walk away.

How To Act In The Outdoor Pool

Your classy national park resort has a beautiful outdoor pool.  Seeing it, you scream for joy and run and jump into a flying cannonball.  But, you didn’t check the pool first, which was empty because a child had done Number Two, and hotel management was scurrying to clean it up.  The only thing in the pool besides water was the excrement. The cannonball worked fabulously, splashing brown water to all the lounging folks at poolside.  

The next day the pool water is clean, and you approach the area unabashed.  You notice a child flailing and splashing in the water. You yell, “Don’t worry!  I’ll save you!” You grab the lifeguard’s donut (rescue buoy) and hurl it toward the kid.  It hits his head and knocks him unconscious. The kid’s father who was standing near the kid while teaching him to swim, curses at you and chases you in circles around the pool while you scream for help.

How To Behave On The Hiking Trails

Near your luxurious national park resort is Capitol Reef National Park.  This place is nirvana for hikers, photographers, horsemen, motorcyclists, and anyone who enjoys the stunning scenery and outdoor activities.   In a hiking excursion, little Maggie spots a mountain lion who is oblivious to your presence. Nothing you try gets the cougar’s attention, so you tell Maggie to walk up to it and pet it.  “Nice kitty, nice kitty.”

How To Enjoy Your National Park Resort

“Ahh, this chair is comfy,” you sigh.  “And the bed is like floating on a cloud!”  You pull Marge to you and give her a loud lip smack.  “Oh, Marge, this resort is heaven. Let’s watch TV!” Then a beer commercial depresses you because you’re not out with the boys, drinking a few cold ones.


Homer Simpson’s Guide To A National Park Resort

Article By: Clear Content Marketing

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